The goal of this exercise is to help you focus on several specific points that challenge many students when writing their résumés and job application letters.

The Exercise

In this exercise, you will examine two drafts of the job application letter and résumé prepared by Mark Patterson. They are at the bottom of this page

Begin by following the directions under the heading "Revision Suggestion: Part I of Exercise." Continue through the subsequent sections.

While working on this exercise, you may download the Revision Checklist for Résumés and the Revision Checklist for Job Applications Letters.

Revision Suggestions: Part I of Exercise

Look at the Application Letter and the Résumé within Part I of the Exercise. After you do this, review these suggestions for revision and add to them as you see appropriate, based on what you learned in chapter 2.

The Application Letter:

• does not list the title (Employment Manager) of Fiedler
• casually refers to "a few months ago" rather than specifically mentions when the applicant spoke to a company representative.
• at the end of the first paragraph, focuses on what the company can offer the applicant rather than on what he can offer the company
• offers no specifics about the applicant's thesis
• is too demanding in the last paragraph

The Résumé:

• does not sufficiently highlight the applicant's name
• does not provide a specific job objective
• fails to mention the applicant's honors
• under "Related Experience" lists clerical experience before research experience
• does not provide phone numbers for the applicant's references

Documents/Information/Samples

The Application Letter: Part I of the Exercise

Ms. Carole Fiedler
National Chemical Corporation
P. O. Box 4500
Bridgewater, NJ 088XX

Dear Ms. Fiedler:

A few months ago I attended a career fair sponsored by the Eberly College of Science at Penn State, where I spoke with a representative from National Chemical about possible employment opportunities. As a senior majoring in Chemistry at Penn State, from which I will be graduating this May with Honors, I believe your company could provide me with a great career.

In working towards my degree, I have completed courses in all of the major areas of chemistry, including organic, physical, quantum, and analytical chemistry. The requirements for an Honors degree also include completion of an Honors thesis, which I am currently working on.

At Nu-Wave Heating and Air Conditioning I was required to communicate with customers on a daily basis. Often, I was the first person at the company with whom a customer spoke. Consequently, it was important for me to be able to answer questions quickly, accurately, and clearly. Likewise, my job as a research assistant at Penn State also enhanced my communication skills. This past summer, for instance, I presented my research results orally to a group of other undergraduate research assistants.

I would appreciate the opportunity to talk with you in person about my background and how it might suit me for a position as a National Chemical sales representative. Contact me at (814) 555-9809 as soon as you can. I am looking forward to hearing from you.

The Résumé: Part I of the Exercise

References for Mark S. Patterson

Dr. John McMillen
Associate Professor Department of Chemical Engineering
The Pennsylvania State University
University Park, PA 168XX

Dr. Angela Moran
Professor Department of Chemistry
The Pennsylvania State University
University Park, PA 168XX

Sally Cho
Head of Sales
Nu-Wave Heating and Air Conditioning
112 Prospect Avenue
Philadelphia, PA 157XX

Revision Improvements: Part II of the Exercise

The following letter and résumé have been revised to improve on the previous drafts presented in Part I of the Exercise. Add to this list and support your additions with evidence from chapter 2.

• Mark's revised letter sounds less writer-centered and more reader-centered, as it focuses more on how Mark's skills will help his audience rather than on how his audience can help further his career. The letter is also more detailed about information of interest to the audience.
• The revised résumé has a stronger objective and provides more descriptive information about some of Mark's job experience. Additionally, the revised letter contains more useful information and lists the most important information first.

The Application Letter: Part II of the Exercise

128 Atherton Street
University Park, PA 168XX

November 5, 2005

Ms. Carole Fiedler
Employment Manager National Chemical Corporation
P. O. Box 4500
Bridgewater, NJ 088XX

Dear Ms. Fiedler:

On September 13 I attended a career fair sponsored by the Eberly College of Science at Penn State, where I spoke with a representative from National Chemical about possible employment opportunities. As a senior majoring in Chemistry at Penn State, from which I will be graduating this May with Honors, I believe I could provide the combination of strong science skills as well communication skills that your company needs.

In working towards my degree, I have completed courses in all of the major areas of chemistry, including organic, physical, quantum, and analytical chemistry. The requirements for an Honors degree also include completion of an Honors thesis. For my thesis project, I am performing an independent investigation of the mechanism of aromatic nitration reactions. Thus, my education has provided me with a background in chemical research as well as in chemical theory.

Additionally, my job experience has allowed me to develop my communication skills. At Nu-Wave Heating and Air Conditioning I was required to communicate with customers on a daily basis. Often, I was the first person at the company with whom a customer spoke. Consequently, it was important for me to be able to answer questions quickly, accurately, and clearly. Likewise, my job as a research assistant at Penn State also enhanced my communication skills. This past summer, for instance, I presented my research results orally to a group of other undergraduate research assistants. Because most of the audience was unfamiliar with the type of work I did, I needed to present my findings in a way that would be understandable to them. I believe that my previous job experience has provided me with the kind of communication skills National requires of its employees.

I would appreciate the opportunity to talk with you in person about my background and how it might suit me for a position as a National Chemical sales representative. If this is possible, please feel free to contact me at (814) 555-9809. I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

Mark S. Patterson

The Résumé: Part II of the Exercise

References for Mark S. Patterson

Dr. John McMillen
Associate Professor Department of Chemical Engineering
The Pennsylvania State University
University Park, PA 168XX

Dr. Angela Moran
Professor Department of Chemistry
The Pennsylvania State University
University Park, PA 168XX

Sally Cho
Head of Sales
Nu-Wave Heating and Air Conditioning
112 Prospect Avenue
Philadelphia, PA