The goal of this exercise is to help you polish your writing by applying Chapter 8's guidelines for constructing sentences.

The Exercise

The following memo does not follow this chapter's guidelines for creating an effective style. Specifically, its sentences are often too wordy and complex, the action is located not in the verbs but rather in nouns, adjectives, and other parts of speech, and it relies too heavily upon the passive, rather than the active, voice.

For this exercise, read the following memo and perform the following tasks:

1. Note places where you instinctively feel the memo sounds "off."
2. Review this chapter's guidelines.
3. Return to those places you had marked in your memo and determine whether any of this chapter's guidelines were not followed.
4. Rewrite the memo in accordance with this chapter's guidelines.

The Memo

TO: Bob Haskins, Resmore Chemical Lab Supervisor

FROM: Dan Iross, Resmore Chemical Lab Personnel Manager

The following memo is an attempt to outline some of the theft problems we have been experiencing here at Resmore Lab as well as to make some proposals about possible solutions to the problem. As you know, it has been observed recently that some of our expensive equipment, most notably micro indexing scales, has been disappearing from the lab.

Based on my investigation into this problem, it became obvious to me that there are several possible solutions to this problem. The first is to more closely monitor the work activities of the employees, making sure that they have fewer opportunities in which to walk off with equipment. While this sounds like a reasonable plan of action, one that might be of aid in helping us to solve our problems, there are, in reality, a few drawbacks to this plan. Of most importance is the fact that it would require too much time and effort on the supervisors' parts to so closely monitor our employees.

The second solution that might be considered is to ask employees to lock the equipment in the cupboards when such equipment is not in use. This would make it possible to ensure that, when not in use, the equipment would be safe. However, it has been noted by Alice Roesel, my assistant, that there are potential problems with this since the time and effort of continually loading and unloading the equipment from the cabinets would result in too much wasted time and eventually a decline in lab productivity.

The third solution would be to bar code the equipment and install a detection system at the lab's exit that would sound if someone were to try to leave with the equipment. Although it is true that this solution would require some initial investment, it would be well worth it were it to stop the thefts.

With this in mind, I recommend that we install a detection system at Resmore Chemical Lab. Please let me know what your position on this proposal is at your earliest convenience.